Kissing Lessons
by Jullytta
Summary: Jerso and Zampano found out Alphonse never kissed a girl. Everything can and will go wrong. / Old story from my old pc. Rated T because of some rude vocabulary.


**N/A: I found this one in my pc today, and I thought it was too funny to stay hidden. There are a lot of grammar mistakes that I didn't try to correct, and the end is a little abrupt. But I think it's worth a try.**

**Rated T because of some rude vocabulary.**

Kissing Lessons

_One-shot_

He always hated how obvious he was when it came to his feelings. He just couldn't hide them. The years of armor being had make this damage: he couldn't help but show exactly what he felt; he had no control over his body.

It was like it was written on his forehead in neon lights: "I'm love with you". _Totally, truly, madly, deeply, profusely_ in love with you. His heart beat was so loud the entire palace could hear it; the entire _country _could hear it, just because she was smiling at him. His face went so red sometimes the maids would ask him if he got isolation or something like this, just because she had touched his hand.

Al couldn't remember when it all had started, but it seemed to be endless. No matter how many months went by, he still couldn't get her out of his mind. Needless to say it was a complicated situation, since she was his Alkahestry teacher and he had to spend almost eight hours of his day with her.

Mei couldn't be _that_ blind either. She surely knew he liked her. He knew she knew. She never said anything about it, though, what was exactly the frightening part.

If she kept pretending she didn't notice it, maybe it was because she didn't like him back. As his friend – and his teacher – she cared about him, of course, and probably didn't want to break his heart. His tiny, little fragile heart, the one that keep bouncing around every time he was with her.

Sometimes the pain was so strong he wanted to leave Xing forever. Find another science to study, another country to live and hopefully no girl to love. Even though, every time he saw her smile, he knew he couldn't make it. He couldn't leave her. He couldn't give up.

This evening, Al arrived home so tired from his training that he jumped on his bed without even looking around, sighing loudly. A mental vision of Mei laughing at him was playing in his mind. He knew he was a coward for running away, but he wasn't sure if he could handle a rejection and he wasn't going to try it off.

"Thinking about the Xingese girl?" A raspy voice asked. Al opened his eyes and sat in shock.

"Jerso? What are you doing here?"

"I live here. Glad you noticed me over these months."

Alphonse sighed. "I know you live here. I mean, what do you want in my bedroom?"

"You looked really pissed when you came in, so I thought I should ask you what happened."

"Nothing happened." Al replied shortly. Zampano came in with a plate with fish and rice and a cup of orange juice.

"Something obviously _is_ happening." He said, handing the food to Al.

"Thanks." The blond boy murmured before start eating.

"So what happened?" Jerso asked again. Zampano sat next to him.

"You guys don't need to worry." Al said simply. "It's not serious at all."

The two bodyguards exchanged looks.

"Then it _is_ about the Xingese girl." Zampano said with an evil smile.

"I think sir. Alphonse is in love with a certain little princess." Jerso completed.

"Shut up you guys." Al said pointing a spoon at them like it was a weapon.

"He definitely is." Zampano's smile grew a bit.

"Maybe something happened with her? Maybe she did something?

"You think she is dating someone else? That's why he is sad?"

"I know that feel bro." Jerso said patting Al's shoulder.

"She is not dating anyone!" Al whipped Jerso's hand off.

"So what are you all blue about?" Zampano asked.

"I don't-" He was about to say '_I don't want to talk about it'_, but he thought that maybe Zampano and Jerso could help him. After all, they were friends, and also grown up men whose had probably experience with girls.

"I don't know." He said finally. "I think I like her, but-"

"We're sure you like her." Zampano cut him off. "Proceed."

"-but I don't think she likes me back." Al completed, blushing.

"Oh, that's all?" Jerso asked. "Why don't you ask her?"

"How-" Al's face got redder. "How am I supposed to ask her straight like that? Like, _hey, good morning, how are you? By the way, do you like me?_"

"Why, is it _that _hard?"

"Of course it is." Al sighed. "I'm not sure if… if I can handle a rejection."

"Why the hell would she reject you?" Jerso laughed. "You're a handsome, tall, blonde, golden eyes boy. I'm pretty sure you're every girl's prince charming."

"It's not about my appearance." Al blushed again.

"You are all gay too." Zampano added. "By gay, I mean you're gentle and kind."

"Plus, you have to take risks sometimes." Jerso smirked. "No pain, no gain."

"Well…" Al said staring at his plate. "I still think I can't ask her straight to the point."

"But there's another way to ask without being obvious, my boy." Zampano said smirking too.

"Is there?" Al smiled with hope.

"Yes it is."

"What is that?"

"Kiss her."

Al felt like his brain exploded. "What?!"

"You know, kiss her. On the lips. You surely have kissed a girl before." Zampano said giggling. He stopped when he noticed Al's expression was serious. "Haven't you?"

_Silence_. Jerso and Zampano exchanged another look.

"_Never_ had you kissed a girl, howdy?" Jerso was the one who asked. Al stared at his feet, blushing.

"YesIhaven't." He replied, fast and low.

"What?"

"No." It came as a whisper from his mouth.

"Can you repeat please?"

"I have never kissed a girl." Al said clearly, blushing even more if it was possible.

"The fuck!" Zampano exploded. "How about that girl we met last trip? You two were together, right?"

"She was not my type."

"You dumped her?"

"I didn't dump her."

"She was totally into you."

"She was _not_!"

"Dear lord, you're a moron!" Jerso exclaimed, putting his hands up in the air. "You really didn't notice she was flirting with you?"

"I thought she was just being nice."

"Well, she wasn't." Zampano facepalmed. "Now I understand why she looked so disappointed when we left. I thought it was because you two had to break up."

"I don't understand women." Al sighed.

"Neither do us!" Jerso said. "But there's something certain: kiss her would be your best shot. Even if she rejects you, you will have kissed her. You can even say you two had an affair."

"That's rude."

"You're a fag." Zampano buffed.

"That's really rude."

"You know what? Do whatever you want. But I think you should kiss her."

"How? I don't even know how to kiss someone."

"You can practice on Jerso here." Zampano said patting Jerso's shoulders.

"Ew! Get away from me!" Jerso exclaimed.

"Sorry bro, but we need to take sacrifices."

"Why doesn't he kiss an orange?"

"Orange?" Al raised an eyebrow.

"They say it's good for practicing."

"Really? I've never hear about it." Zampano said, surprised too.

"That's how my grandma taught me how to French kiss."

"Your grandma what?"

"Never mind." Jerso chuckled nervously. "Just try out the orange."

He tried. And failed.

The whole scene would be hilarious if it wasn't ridiculous. Alphonse's lips shyly kissing an orange, while Jerso and Zampano were laughing and giving tips.

"Now you need to ask her for permission."

"Pardon me?"

"To go deeper." Jerso explained. "While you're kissing, just… lick her lips asking for permission to French kiss."

"I don't want to French kiss her."

"What?"

"It's… gross. And she's just a child."

"She's 16." Zampano facepalmed. "And it's not gross. It's romantic."

"How come my tongue in her mouth is romantic?"

"Ok, ok. Since it's his first kiss, let's give him a break." Jerso smiled evilly. "He'll be wanting for more in no time."

"That's right." Zampano nodded. "But he doesn't have the guts to kiss the girl. What can we do?"

"I don't know. If only we could force them into a romantic situation…"

"Even if the situation demanded a kiss, I think he would chicken out."

"Hey, I can listen to every little thing you two say!" Alphonse said trying to get their attention.

Zampano and Jerso just looked at him for a brief moment. "We know." They said together. Al stared at them, waiting for some answer.

"What do you want? We are trying to help you here! Go back to your orange!" Jerso pointed to a corner of the room. Al rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here, by the way? I thought you had a lesson with the Xingese girl now."

Alphonse looked at the clock exasperated. "Oh gosh, I'm late."

Before he could leave, Jerso grabbed his arm. "Don't go empty-handed." He took a rose from a vase nearby. "Here. Give it to her."

"Why?"

"Just do it! Say that you're sorry for being late and that you brought this rose to her since it reminds you of her delicacy."

"Good one, bro." Zampano said approvingly.

"I have my moments. Now, go! Show her everything you've learn!"

As Al ran out of the room, Zampano and Jerso laughed together. "We _must_ follow him. This is going to be… hilarious."

"Agree, agree." Jerso said getting up. "Let's go."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

When he finally got there, Al was soaked. By the way Mei was looking at him, and the way she had her arms crossed upon her chest, he knew she was mad.

However, the rose in his hand caught her attention. He tried to smile, but probably failed badly, because she made a face.

He tried to think of anything romantic to say while giving her the rose and apologizing, but Al wasn't thinking straight. All he could say was "I'm late."

"I believe I already know that."

That was when he realized what he had just said. "Oh, no, no! I mean: _I'm sorry I'm late_. I had… I had to go to a place to do something." He wasn't pretty good at lying. Mei raised an eyebrow.

"Do something, you say. What could be more important than our training?"

"I…" Al ran a hand through his hair. "I brought you this."

He barely tossed the rose to her.

"A rose?" She asked, confuse. "Why?"

"It reminds me of you?" He tried.

"I don't know, does it?"

"I guess so. I mean… The rose is just like you." A sight of smile appeared on her face when she heard that. "You are pretty and smelly and look delicate, but can hurt someone really badly with your thorns if you want."

The smiled flied away. "Did you just say I attack people?"

"No!" Al cried out. "What I wanted to say was that you can be pretty damaging to your enemies."

"Sounds like I'm a weapon."

"I really didn't mean that. I just think you…"

"Al, could you please shut up?" Mei said in a high tone. "I don't want to know, ok?"

By the tone of her sentence, Al knew he shouldn't go on with it.

The training was exhausting - Mei discounted every little bit of her angriness on him: she kicked him as hard as possible and, in the end, Al had bruises everywhere.

It was only when they were finally going home that Al tried again to say something. He touched Mei's arm shyly in order to caught her attention.

"I really apologize for my behavior today." He said in a low, deep tone. "I wasn't being myself."

"It's ok." Mei whispered back. "I'm not angry anymore. Sorry about hurting you."

"It's alright, I deserved it."

Mei stopped him with her arm and stared at him carefully. "No, it's not. Look at you. You have bruises everywhere." She touched his face with her fingertips. "I should have controlled myself."

"It's cool." Alphonse found himself putting his hands on her shoulders awkwardly.

"You sure?" She looked concerned. He nodded.

"I even think I look better with them." Al smiled charmingly. "I will think of you every time they hurt."

She blushed lightly and he soon discovered that he loved to make her blush. "It's not a good way of remembering me."

"It's always good to think of you." His smile just grew when she blushed even more. Al wasn't sure if it was what Jerso and Zampano called flirting, but he was actually enjoying it. It was good to know that he had such an effect on her.

"Yeah, but…" She was speechless. God, he made _her_ speechless. Mei Chang, the girl that had always a smart answer for anything had absolutely no words to say. "I hurt you."

"I don't care if you hurt my body." Al replied. "I'll be worried when you hurt my feelings." He said, his hands still resting on her shoulders.

"Alphonse…" The way she said his name sent shivers down his spine.

_Now is your moment!_, Al heard Zampano's voice in his mind. _It's the perfect time to kiss her_, insisted the voice. _Ok, ok, I know it_, Al answered in his head. _Go for it, go!_, it was Jerso now.

_Alright, alright, I'll do this._ Al tried to focus on kissing Mei. He leaned in, tilting his head to the right. Mei keep staring at him with this confused look. He remembered that he should close his eyes, but her eyes were so hypnotizing he couldn't stop staring at them.

It was just when they were really close to each other that she closed her eyes and he could take a glance at the rest of her face: her burned cheeks, her long eyelashes and her mouth half open with her cherry pink lips. The vision was too beautiful to give up to, but Al finally closes his eyes when their lips were just one inch apart.

Surprisingly, Mei was the one who close the distance between them. She obviously had an idea of what she was doing, even though Al was pretty sure it was her first kiss too. Her tiny lips moved under his, desperately trying to reach the right point. He made an effort to kiss her back the best way he could.

Al forgot to count the time. He didn't know how long it took for them to break apart. He opened his eyes and shyly, too afraid to look her in the eyes. Mei blinked a thousand times, as if she was confused, and then looked at her feet.

"I, I... uh-" He tried.

"I'm sorry." Mei blurted out. "I shouldn't..."

"No, you-"

"…have done this. I mean, I don't want to ruin our friendship."

"Mei?" She locked her eyes with his. Alphonse took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm in love with you."

It wasn't that easy to catch Mei blushing and he had never seen her blushing that much; she was almost as red as Ed's coat. She looked astonished, too, and her expression was too funny. Al let out a little laugh before noticing she didn't answer anything.

"Mei? Shouldn't I say that? Did I…" He gulped. "Did I just ruin our friendship?"

"Huh? No!" The girl waved her hands in desperation. "I still want to be friends."

Al was so not enjoying it. She repeated the word "friends" way too much for someone that just had a kiss. _That's it_, he thought, _she just wants to be friends. Nothing else_.

"It's ok." Al let out almost in a whisper. "I understand."

"No, you don't." Mei said, breathing in and out before continuing. "I really like you, Alphonse. Way too much. I wouldn't forgive myself if I were the one responsible for the end of our friendship-"

"I understood it, Mei." He said, trying hard to keep his voice in a good tone. "I'm not going to press you or anything. Just… just forget about the whole thing. I'll move on eventually."

"I don't want you to!" She exclaimed way too loudly. She covered her mouth with her hands. Al raised an eyebrow.

"You don't?"

"You can't give up on me that easily!" Mei raised her voice just a little bit. Al made a weird face.

"You want me to keep my feelings for you, but you want to be just friends? Do I have to suffer or something?"

"It's not like that!" Mei said, catching his hands on hers. It was sad to admit, but Alphonse's heart hurt just to feel their hands together.

"So please explain to me. What is it like?"

Mei looked at their hands and said in a whisper, so low Al barely heard. "I don't want to lose you."

He smiled softly. "You won't. I promise you."

Her hands were shaking badly. "It's just… Do you know when two people like each other but then they start a relationship too soon and their love burn too fast and soon enough they don't want to be together anymore?"

"Is that so? You're afraid I'm going to get tired of you after a while?"

She nodded shyly.

"Silly Mei Chang." Alphonse said, smiling. "It's been two years since you started teaching me, and you still think I'll be ever able to get tired of you?"

"Yes?"

He laughed. "Yes, I will, eventually. As you will get tired of me." His voice was soft. "But I don't think I'll ever want to be far from you. Even when I get tired."

"Why would you want to stay if you got tired of me?" Mei sounded so confused Al wanted to laugh again.

"I like you. Just that." He sighed. "Look, we can try. I promise you I won't leave you, even if you want me to."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Mei said, but added fast. "Ok. We can try."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

When Alphonse got home happy to tell his friends the good news, he found Jerso and Zampano yelling at each other.

"I SAID HE WOULD DO IT."

"BUT HE DIDN'T! THE GIRL KISSED HIM!"

"HE APPROACHED HER. I WON!"

"HE HADN'T THE GUTS TO KISS HER. I WON!"

"YOU TWO WERE SPYING ON ME!"

"OH, SHUT UP!" They answered together. Alphonse rolled his eyes. He has some crazy bodyguards.

**-x-x-x-x-The End-x-x-x-x-**


End file.
